


The Clothes of Good and Evil

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Hurt, Introspection, M/M, POV First Person, Sisters, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 17:39:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13745982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: A collection of ficlets, with various characters, based on capital sins and cardinal virtues.





	The Clothes of Good and Evil

_ Lost in vice, I forget who I am _

For the greater good.

The greater good, Albus.

Have you forgotten? Have you forgotten what it meant for us going on and on, setting ourselves aside, just to reach that goal that seemed to noble at that time?

I’ve repeated too many times to myself that I don’t need you, telling me that lie every day until I made it the pure truth.

And now that I know I can go on alone, there’ll be no limit to the pain I’ll be able to inflict to this world, filthy because they’re _all_ making it filthy. 

I’ll wash it with blood, Albus.

As we should’ve done together.

Now, I’m going to be alone on the throne of this new, fresh reality. Mine alone, for you’ll be aside, watching.

For the greater good.

 

_ The fear walking on tiptoes _

I’ve taken a step back, and I know you’ll never forgive me for that.

Because it should be me not granting you my forgiveness, me to feel resentment, yet I know that rules between us are always backwards, making me guilty of things I never could’ve imagined.

The greater good, Gellert... what have we done?

We’ve been blinded by our youth, by the delusion of omnipotence for being slight smarter than average... but not wiser. Not that, Gellert, we’ve been fools, and I wish you’d see that like I did, without hating me as I’m sure you do, just because you think I’ve abandoned you.

And I don’t deny it, I did.

Just, look at my reasons.

We’ve always had the greater good right under our noses, while we went looking for it in power, magic, dominion.

The greater good is in what we can do for others, without risking of being captivated by the thousand charms of darkness.

It takes caution in these circumstances, my friend.

The one we never had, what I’m trying to know now, what brought me far from you.

We’ve crossed the line, you know it and you don’t care.

I just wish you would take that step back with me.

 

_ It’s other people’s happiness that doesn’t elude us _

I put my hands on my face while I’m in front of the mirror.

I imagine of seeing a whole other face, to finally see my eyes, dark as coal, disappear, changed with something fresher, more beautiful, something easier to love.

Then I start scratching, and I can barely make it with my nails, chewed off, filthy.

Because that love I’ve been denied so much, brought me to a point I wish I’d never reached.

It brought me to desire to inhabit another body, in another life, an existence I’d come to hate, but that would have you as a prize, Lily.

I wish I was _him_ , even just for a few moments, even just to have the right to look at you like that, to smile to you that way.

And to be reciprocated.

Just so that I don’t have to live every day of my life with this oppressing sense of envy, so that I won’t have to hate myself like I already do.

I move my hands away.

But it’s still my face the one looking at me in the mirror.

 

_ The silence of guilt _

I always forgive, and he knows that.

He knows I love him, he knows I’ll forgive any abuse from him, he knows that for me, he matters like myself.

And yet he can’t live with the fact that I’ll never go beyond that affection, deeply brotherly, the same affection that hurts him.

And I forgive, forgive and forgive, telling to myself that it’s not his fault, that it’s mine, even though I can’t understand what my sin is.

I forgive and I love him, my way, but it’s never going to be enough.

Because I’m starting to believe that he _wants_ to challenge my boundaries, that he wants to see me torn apart in doubt, that he wants to see me ask myself what’s right and what’s wrong, as if then I’ll be able to explain it to him too.

But there’s nothing to do that would be right, not in the situation I’m in, not when I’m facing daily his eyes, loaded with expectations and an eternal resentment.

I’m sorry, Severus.

I can forgive you a million times, but we both know I’ll never be able to forgive myself for taking a path different from yours.

I wish you’d stop looking at him, but I’ll never tell you. For there’s already too much pain in you, always because of me.

And what about _my_ pain, Severus?

Concealed, for I swore to myself to suffer in silence. I close myself in an apparent tolerance, certain that it will actually help making things better.

But still, all that pain, the one we share, weighs on our heads.

It’s never going to go away, is it, Severus?

 

_ To await a pleasure, is itself a pleasure _

Not alive, nor dead.

I’m in the middle. In a limbo where I can barely feel myself, the power that should flow through my veins is dormant, for I _don’t have_ veins.

I see Wormtail fretting around me like the rat he is, ready to satisfy my every need. Even though there are some things even he can’t provide.

Feeling the strength inside of me, venting it, killing, torturing, hurting.

I think I’ve almost lost my cold rationality by dint of remaining in this vegetative state, as if in my mind is reigning just the purest red, the red of blood, the red of my blind fury which makes me want to kill anyone who dares getting too close, with my bare hands, like an animal and not the most powerful wizard in the world. As, despite everything, I know I still am.

The path to walk is long, but I know I’ll rise again someday, that I’m going to have hands, that I’ll gain back all the strength I’ve lost. And then, it’ll be Chaos. My rage will flow on this earth, as the worst thing ever seen.

I get back my peace.

The await, when one has a goal, becomes almost _sweet._

_ Perishing the fair, bringing the ungodly with him _

I wish I could run.

It’s too much, too much.

I keep repeating it to myself from years now, and I still didn’t do it.

Infinite times I’ve been on the verge of turning my back to that fate that I can’t fight, to being the Chosen One, and just as many times I’ve met the look of those who put their trust in me, looking at me as I was really able to help them.

But how can I help them, when I can’t even help myself?

I don’t run. I wait, as usual, that someone or something point the right way, as if I was just a puppet in this game I still don’t understand completely.

It’s my fate, after all. My fate is to do anything in my power, and maybe even more, to free the world from his venomous presence.

For I don’t care anymore about what’ll happen to me, because too many have fought instead of me, and I won’t let another drop of blood to be spilled. Not with impunity.

For when I see his eyes, meanwhile I think of the looks on those who lost a son, a parent, a friend, a brother, and I tell myself that no one is going to be able to bring back their smiles, but that at least they can find peace in justice, in seeing _him_ becoming that dust he deserves. to be.

Because the world can’t be fair, can’t be really alive, until he’s got a right to walk free on this earth, free to play with other people’s lives.

I can put an end to all this.

And my life doesn’t matter more than anyone else’s.

What I’ve learnt during these years, is that we’re all expendable, if the sacrifice brings to justice.

I’m ready to die. And I’ll bring him underground with me.

 

_ Doing nothing is the hardest thing in the world _

I’m starting to hate Malfoy Manor.

These four walls, no better than a prison, chain me to an existence making less and less sense.

But I refuse to react, as usual.

Is this what awaits me, from now on? Being here, forgetting the time passing, enclosed in a treasure chest like the most beautiful and saddest diamond?

Because, isn’t it what I am? Bound to those remnants of will to exist, as if I was actually able to keep them with me eternally, whilst I see them fading day after day.

And while I try to show to myself that it’s still worth waiting for a change, a turn, I see other lives passing through this house, and I surprise myself hating them just because they have a right to leave, because they can, because they can breathe a cleaner air then mine, less foul.

Because I could too, but I’m scared of freedom if it isn’t accompanied by that magical desire for rebellion that has long since abandoned my path.

And I stay here. Still.

I watch.

 

_ Courage waits, fear goes looking _

I look in the mirror.

In my eyes there’s a blaze I can barely recognise.

It’s life. That life I’ve been denied during the years, that life I was resigned to never know, that life so close and yet so unreachable, as if it was a few steps from me and I was enclosed in a glass case forbidding me to touch it.

Ted had broken that glass, letting me breathe, finally free from chains, letting me actress of that reality, for once, not just the audience.

And now I wander through this house, torn between the serenity of a girl who’ll fight for happiness and the anguish for the unknown that this happiness represents.

I look others in the eyes, almost afraid that they’ll notice, that they’ll steal those moments of bliss awaiting for me outside from here.

And yet, the only one I catch looking at me differently is Cissy.

Cissy, who doesn’t understand. Or that does, and feels sorry for me.

Or for herself, still bound to this place, still bound to a fate others have written for her.

I wish I could take her away with me, but I already know she’d refuse. Because her mind is filled with all they taught us, soaked with prejudice and ideas that didn’t really belong to her, that she’ll never get rid of.

Because she won’t have the courage to run, I already know.

I look at her as well, always smiling, as to let her know that there’s always going to be room for her beside me. A place that she’ll never allow herself to desire, but that I’ll keep forever.

Because the courage is lost when you have to face someone who wants you to forget you can be someone else, for once.

Because escaping has never been considered an act of courage, but it doesn’t matter.

I may even be a coward, as well as my sister, but at least I’ll be sure I’m going to be a happy coward.


End file.
